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Thursday, December 29, 2016

LAST RANGER #07 - THE VILE VILLAGE

You guys know the story by now, right? America is a wasteland and the bombs have turned the clouds that funny shade of purple. People are sick and dying and our hero, Martin Stone, is riding his Harley Davidson through the carnage to rescue his kidnapped sister April. You down with it? Pretty simple story-line throughout this ten book series known as "The Last Ranger". Book number seven is "The Vile Village", written once again by Craig Sargent (house name for real author Jan Stacy) and released via Popular Library in 1988. Craig Sargent just sounds so much better than Jan Stacy. 

The book begins after that fallout of book six. Our boy Stone and his pitbull Excalibur are just cruising along on Stone's Harley when they get spit on by some radioactive clouds. The purple shit falling out of the sky stings the skin. Our boy is trying to drive through it, gets annihilated by this falling purple radiation jazz and wrecks the damn motorcyle. I swear to God this guy has wrecked the Harley a dozen times or more through the course of this series. Here's a thought - Don't drive through acid rain. Never a good judgment call. Stone and Excalibur plunge from the bike and get knocked out cold. An old farmer turned undertaker finds the two and brings them back to his farm. Something about his incident and exchange reminds me of an old western I've seen somewhere along the way. Only it was a guy falling off a horse and taken back by an old worn-out gunfighter. I dunno. 



Once there the undertaker gets his daughter LuAnn to nurse Stone back to health again. Leave it to our barrel chested hero to butt-plow nurse LuAnn for three pages. After the nursing and porn Stone gets down to business with the undertaker. Just like a western tale the town of Copexi (or something like that) is a small farming community that is caught between two rival gangs - The Headstompers versus The Strathers Brothers. No shit. The gangs are leaning on the farmers and shopkeepers really hard to pay weekly taxes for protection. They are stretched thin and dying. Stone ain't gonna stand for it. No sir. 

Our paperback warrior heads into town and immediately gets into a bar fight with The Headstompers. After shooting them down he approaches The Strathers Brothers with an offer - he'll be their gunman for money and they can call him "Preacher-Boy", because all gunmen need a cool name. You see Stone has a plan. He'll pretend to be a head-knocker for The Strathers Brothers while really just pulling the right switches to cause the Headstompers to get in an epic war with The Strathers' bunch. If they kill each other the farming community will be free of trouble and can get back to planting cabbage. Or whatever the Hell they do in Copexi. 

Everything goes according to plan and Stone plays the part. He gets in a few skirmishes along the way but his ultimate downfall is when The Strathers Brothers find out he isn't the "Preacher-Boy" that he claims to be. Just like the last book, and a few prior ones, Stone is clamped to a table for a good round of torture-thy-dick. Miraculously he escapes, kills all the baddies in the room and makes a break for it. Unfortunately The Strathers Brothers have Excalibur blocked off and Stone needs his dog. Badly. The end comes with a massive firefight between Stone, The Strathers Brothers, The Headknockers, The Farmers and a LION. That's right. A LION. Excalibur fights a lion. And wins. Big time baby!

Stone contemplates on going back to the Undertaker's house and banging LuAnn for days. But he knows his sister April is out there and he's vowing to get her back. That's a wrap! Book eight coming soon!